I’ve listened to the sound machine and the library CD’s so much with my newborn daughter, I decided to flip the radio to Christmas music while in the nursery. I came up with some thoughts, none of which are important.
1) Nat King Cole, Andy Williams, Bing Crosby, Amy Grant and few select others are the best at Christmas music. As sick as I got of hearing the same 24 songs over and over again, I wanted to throw my daughter’s soiled diaper at the radio when I heard Michael Buble redoing some Christmas song. Leave my classics alone numbnuts. Except for Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer. Anyone can do that one better than those hilljacks Elmo and Patsy. That song makes me wish Christmas came once a century.
2) Last Christmas is just awful. I saw an article online claiming it was the “Greatest Secular Christmas song of All Time.” Someone got paid to write that article. Real money. For a job and stuff. Then I heard Taylor Swift redo it and I found myself defending Wham. Look here Taylor, if I’m going to hear Last Christmas, it better be the super breathy, super gay Wham version with 80’s keyboards. Go back to writing breakup songs I’ll never listen to – George Michael has this one covered.
3) Do They Know It’s Christmas? had some good intent, but it annoys me. Nothing like a Christmas tune that calls you a piece of shit for not helping people out. Now I’m full of cheer. I think they need a song for some of the people in that video. Other than Bono, I think they’re all homeless now.
4) When I was growing up, the kids choir sang the same song every year in church. “Christmas isn’t Christmas” in the same high pitch singing for over 20 years. They always had some kid singing a solo so high the windows cracked. I got in trouble at age five for singing “King Kong went to Hong Kong playing Ping Pong with his Ding Dong” in church. I would have enjoyed that more than Christmas isn’t Christmas for two decades.