People seem to like lists, like “10 things about relationships/life/kids/your favorite movie.” Most of them stink, this one probably will too, but here goes.
1) Public speaking is much easier after a couple beers and much worse for everyone else after a couple more.
2) If I met myself when I first started comedy, I wouldn’t have spoke to him. Unless new comic me was willing to drive me to a gig.
3) I would rather headline a dogfight or tell jokes during a fire than listen to a brand new comedian ask me how to get paid after doing one five minute set.
4) Satellite radio is OK normally. On a seven hour car trip it is essential.
5) I used to watch comedy once or twice a year and enjoy. Now I watch it 3 times a week like Roger Ebert watched movies.
6) For every funny joke I’ve written, there are four hot steaming turds I wouldn’t do onstage if you threatened to cover me in honey and roll me in ants.
7) I learned once that there are sometimes two cities in a state with the same name and apparently, my GPS will pick the one three hours away, not the one 45 minutes away.
8) There is nothing more depressing than having a bad set then trying to sell shirts afterwards. Take that back, same scenario, but you don’t sell anything.
9) Hecklers are people who are subconsciously yelling, “I WAS COOL IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT I DRANK EVERYONE OUT OF MY LIFE AND THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT FILLS THE DEPRESSING VOID IN MY SOUL!”
10) The two kinds of people that I’ve met that are the craziest are guys who like to fight strangers for fun and people who like to go up in front of strangers and tell them about your life hoping they’ll chuckle a few times and boost your self-esteem. Like me!