November. The time to be thankful. Nothing says thankful like the sun going down at 5 pm and the weather turning from “Hey, those leaves are pretty” to “If I wear a coat indoors, I’ll sweat to death in the mall, but if I don’t I’ll freeze to death walking from my car.” With that, I thought it would be easier to list things I’m not thankful for!
1 – My dog’s nails. Now that Bean is in the “golden” years, (he’s a old and a golden retriever! Hahaha, I’m so witty!) he staggers around much like his owner (for different reasons). What this means, is that he clicks and clacks his nails every morning on the hardwood floors about one to two hours before my alarm goes off. Maybe I can get him a dog Rascal or some mittens.
2 – Single ply toilet paper and a Speedway bathroom. There are no details needed on this topic.
3 – Shows like America’s Funniest Home Videos and Ridiculousness. Hit in the balls, funny animal, more ball blasting, funny kid, repeat for ten years. See also shows that play indie rock, coffee shop, crap music over every dramatic scene. Yuck.
4 – Silk boxers. I got a pair of those once. I didn’t know a garment could wrap around, twist, ball up, do somersaults and generally treat my undercarriage like a jungle gym, just by standing up.
5 – Fast food. Every time I lose a pound and a half, I pass by a fast food joint that has a 1400 calorie treat for $1.39. How is a burrito and a double cheeseburger cheaper than an apple or orange? I’m thankful for America, though. Only here are our poor people fat. USA! USA! USA!