In a permanent effort to expand my horizons/Redbox had this or Parental Guidance, I watched Les Miserables last weekend. If you are reading this blog, chances are you’ve either seen it, or never will, thus I don’t worry about ruining anything. On a side note, if you watched it because you want to be known as someone who watched a musical, you’re probably a pretentious ass.
The movie opens with a dude who is being harassed by another dude for stealing a loaf of bread for a hungry child…and he does nearly two decades? Holy shit, I don’t want to hear any poor people bitch in America. Our welfare recipients have an OBESITY problem. That’s how awesome America is. Our poor are overfed. Well, not with nutrients, but vitamins and minerals are for bodybuilders and pussies. USA! USA! Give me double cheeseburgers for $1.49 any day.
Then he gets out and this woman lives the worst life ever and dies. God, this movie is depressing. They can sing, but I’m all sad now. At least her kids will be cared for. Is that Borat? Yep, it sure is. Hey look, Russell Crowe is being a dick again. He’s almost as much as dick in this movie as he is in real life punching drunks. Some girl dies again, with a love that is not returned. Some people get shot, Russell is even more of an asshole…then I fell asleep. I guess more people died and somehow I’m supposed to be happy at the end.
The movie was well done, the scenery and background was top notch. The singing was good. That said, I haven’t seen a movie this sad since Old Yeller or Kids. Who in the blue hell thought Old Yeller was a great kids movie? I saw it when I was seven. I cried for two days on that one. Here, young Chris, watch a similar young boy have to put a bullet in the dog that saved his life like three or four times. I think Joseph McCarthy made schoolkids watch this movie in the 50’s to make sure any commies didn’t leak out of the education system.