At the Browns/Steelers game Sunday, I quickly realized why I generally avoid human contact. Upon sitting down, a drunk old guy behind was constantly screaming for everyone to sit down, because he paid $50 for his ticket. This went on for 15 minutes until guards finally told everyone to sit down. Six minutes later, everyone was standing again. Luckily, the drunk had taken talking about how he was suspended from his job for parking in the wrong spot and was taking them to court. Thankfully, that story ended, but the “sit down” chants started up again.
I was ready to strangle him (I was sitting down, by the way), but a new target of hate popped up. A woman in front of me starting arguing with him how she paid $1100 for a ticket and she could do whatever she wanted. I know she was full of shit because…1) We were at the Cleveland game. The sidelines aren’t worth $1100. 2) She showed up at the end of the first quarter and left in the third. If you pay $1100 for a ticket, you show up when the punter is warming up and leave when they chisel your frozen ass off the seat. 3) For $1100, you can fly anywhere in the world and back. And probably afford to pay someone for sex, even if they’re not a prostitute. That’s a lot of money.
I then found it fascinating that there are fans who heckle the opposing team and their fans, but in Cleveland, you get an equally strong contingent of people hecking their own team. Between “Hey, hey, hey, Ben is gay!” and “I crap black and yellow every morning! (I don’t get that one)”, I also heard drunks yelling for the Browns to go for it on 4th and 10 from their own 46 with five minutes left in the game. This is why fans don’t coach.