Quick education of comedy shows. Most (good shows) go in this order – emcee, feature, headliner. The emcee gets a free sandwich or $20 bucks for 5-10 minutes, the feature makes enough not to jump off a bridge or careen off the road on the way home for his/her 25+ minutes, and headliner does not bad for a hopefully solid 45-60 minutes.
The other show I do a lot is the “open mike” at bars or clubs. This involves usually 7-30 comics doing several minutes for no pay. I currently emcee the Funny Bone’s open mike in Columbus a couple times a month. It is a big thrill! For a month. The emcee has to hit a sober crowd that is more interested in wings and drink specials than some idiot’s material, plus they’re usually there to see their newbie pals, who are going to say “fucking” and “fuck” way too many times b/c they’re more nervous than a 15 year old staring at boobs for the first time.
Tuesday’s show was brutal, but I got a laugh or two nonetheless. I had some good one-liners and got some free beers. This, surprisingly, is an enviable position for new comics. Imagine at your job you lead the branch in sales and instead of a bonus, you get a bottled water and an “Atta Boy!” from your undersexed balding sales manager instead of a commission check. Well, now I am home drinking tall boys and listening to Black Label Society as my stinky dog sleeps. Does it suck? No, I got to tell strangers jokes and they laughed. Life is good. I have a paid show at a Moose Lodge this weekend! Take that! Looks like the “Most Likely to Succeed” award from my HS yearbook is blossoming now.
Damn your dog does stink. Wash him!