Doubleheader last night. We split, but we beat the team that hasn’t won a game and lost to the 4th place by 15 runs. Against a decent team, my squad, if a pro wrestler, would be the 123 Kid, b/c we get DP’d at least once a game. Our shortstop is 6’5″, which is good for the errant cutoff tosses from the outfield. Every team has a bat named “Vortex” or “Prison Rape” and our best bat has a crack in it. Tonight I was actually glad we lost the 2nd game, b/c if we make the playoffs, we have to play WalMart. If there is one thing I know, it’s that hillbillies are BEASTS at softball. They have mercied us three games in a row. Perhaps we need more tattoos…they have a shitload. Currently, my right knee is sprained, my left pinky hurts when I write, and my range is equal to a legless bum. Plus I can’t read a menu without reading glasses. Why did I sign up for softball?