Last night, for the first time in a while, I reverted back to my roots of preparing for a show and walked around endlessly with the remote in my hand practicing my set for tomorrow. I haven’t done that in over a year. 12 mins, 15 mins, and 20 mins – I have no idea what I’ll have to do. I am ready to roll. Tonight is my “showcase” show where it is determined whether my act is OK to present as a feature (the guy before the headliner) at clubs across the fruited plain. I am ready.
When I first started comedy four + years ago, it was for fun. Now it is becoming something more…or not. Whatever happens tomorrow, I believe that life sucks. Your reaction can be, “Oh well!” or it can be “Get the fuck out of my way, I will kick your ass, life.” I have rewritten jokes, typed every line and reworked it, videotaped my stupid ass, voice recorded myself and spent HOURS listening to every tick. I have done anniversaries, HS reunions, dive bars, strip clubs, clean corporate shows, parties, movie theaters, clubs, benefits, and God only knows what else. I am tired of doing shows to fill the gaps for $20 and an “atta boy!” Daddy is angry and motivated (I think that’s what I should say). My hand motions are down, my eye contact perfected, my material stage tested, and my attitude razor sharp. If I blow it, it’s my fault. I don’t care if the crowd is straight or gay, old or young, white or black, Christian or atheist…OK, Christian might be a problem…I love Jesus, but I am not in the business of telling “Kids are funny!” jokes or magic. Come out to the www.columbusfunnybone.com and see me tell jokes like a gun is to the head of my wife and kids (I don’t have a wife or kids, use your stupid imagination). AMERICA! (Cue heavy metal). If I do well, awesome. If not, I will probably murder someone at the alumni football game this Saturday at Maysville HS. Then I will try again and light it up.