When I first started doing comedy and was absolutely awful, people came up to me and said, “When are you going to Houston?” Everyone’s experience is different, but here’s how comedy works for most people. You start, you do time, you bomb for at least a year, then you start to slowly figure out how to be funny. Clubs spit on your face – why? So many awful comics came before and blew it so bad, no one will give you a chance. I heard a story about a comic that got his first show w/ a booking agency and he smashed up the hotel room. Fired. The key to getting work is to get in front of bookers. These are mostly comics with some business accumen that go to small towns in your geographic region and convince bar owners that they can provide an assemblance of humor for a fee. Most of these are one nighters that eat up your profits in gas, but if you do them, you get 25-35 minutes as a feature act to polish your act to a shiny turd. When you start, that much time is worth a financial loss. Trust me. Some bookers are great – Steve Sabo w/ Inside Joke Productions gave me my first tryout in Bowling Green, OH after seeing me MC in Lancaster. I have been working for him for three years now. Steve rocks and got me in with another booker later this year that I have been begging for work for two years from. Others are less than desirable. I may have three shows next week…but I don’t know if it’s confirmed, or where they’re at (may not even be in Ohio), or any other random details. Why? I can’t get a return email or call. If I am booked and no show, I’ll get banned forever from working for this agency. If I can’t get the time off work? Done. If I can? Same treatment – suck it, Coen. You are my puppet. Be funny. Imagine getting a job – you start Monday. Where? I’ll get back to you, but if you no show…you’re fired. When someone told me in 2007 it took 7 years to make enough to pay your bills doing comedy, I waved them off as a loser. Now I think 7 years is perfect…if you live at home, drive a Geo Metro circa 1996, and eat ramen noodles on your birthday. That said, I will conquer you, comedy. I am funny and I am an American. No one tells me no unless you want a bloody lip. I will fuck up at 180 miles an hour. I am too stubborn to quit and too stupid to know when I should. See you at the top, one small town at a time. Your ass is next, Houston…