Anger rising

I have a terrible temper.  I have worked my life to be aconfrontational b/c I go so damn crazy.  At one job, I broke so many phones arguing with customers, they were going to put me on a payment plan if I smashed another one.  After a gig, the shitbag booker told me I wasn’t getting paid and I choked him with two hands until he feebly produced my $50 bill.  No one else got paid except the girl directly behind me.  My buddy Dan told me I was a hero to all comics that have been shortchanged.  I have been to the hospital for dislocated hands from punching a brick wall – the wall still stands, despite my efforts.

This said, I am not a badass.  My record in fights is 60%, but in fairness, I’ve only been sober for one fight and the last one was me against 7 college athletes.  I broke one’s nose, the other six got me in a rush.  Yet I’m a comic b/c it takes a mountain of insult to get me to that point and I am rather hilarious, obviously, so my temper is pretty tame these days, by human standards.

I am now put to the test.  Just recently, my hero #1 (tied w/ Mom), my Dad got lost his job, despite working his rear off to save the company.  Bullshit.  My Dad is tied only with my uncle as the hardest working man on Earth.  When I was growing up, my Dad worked 90, yes 90, hours a week to keep a plant running three hours from our house for three months.  At 61, he worked 60+ hours a week and was on call 24 hours a day.  My dad once wrote me a letter about my temper that helped me stay in control.  I will do the same now for everyone to read.  Dad, you are my hero and my role model.  You are a great father, an amazing grandfather, and a patriot that served his country when it wasn’t cool (eat it hippies).  You are hard working, wise, and a man of principle.  You told me you were proud of me a lot.  Well, I am proud of you, sir.  If you never work another day, you have 99% of the earth beat.  Our fine government has yet to issue his bronze star from Vietnam b/c the paperwork is screwed up (yay bureaucrats!).  My new life mission is to get your medals or ruin the political careers of every son of bitch ever elected.  40 years’ worth of delay is ending under my watch.  With my temper, I have a feeling a ticker tape parade is on the horizon for one David W. Coen.  If not, there will be a fantastic youtube clip of this old boy giving the “public servants” of our fine gov’t one hell of a beating.  Stay tuned, friends.