I think at least 85% of comedians are drunk or high the first time they do comedy. OK, I’m exaggerating. 83%. I know I was good and lit up when I first did it. I pounded nine beers and did two offensive minutes, much to the delight of the seven people who came to see me…and to the horror of the other seven ladies trying to have a girls night out. (I’m pretty sure one of those ladies would stab me to this day; I can still feel the hate in her eyes almost a decade later.)
Fast forward to my open mike show Monday. There’s a guy that I discuss sports with each week that decided to sign up out of left field. “Hey, I want to sign up. Let me know what’s going on, I want to tape it and put it on YouTube.” First bit of advice from someone who has done a few hundred shows – don’t tape your first set, cowboy. Relax. Trust me, I watched my clips on MySpace a couple years ago from my first feature set. I nearly got facial reconstruction surgery and changed my name. Shame is a stink you can’t scrub off.
I led off the show and did my BS, then turned it over to a rather new comic who cracks me up because every week he starts off his show assuming everyone in the crowd has seen every set he’s ever done. “If you were here last week, you might remember my girlfriend called me gay.” Everyone just kind of stared, I don’t think anyone other than me was there the week before. Then my rookie took the stage…