Year: 2012

Me and some pals went to Cleveland last weekend to watch Jim Norton’s new special taping…and to drink copious amounts of alcohol.  I didn’t know the majority of people in the group and it was interesting to say the least.  It is easier to get a mule to move than it is to get a group of people drinking moving towards a common destination.  As soon as everyone agrees to leave, someone cracks a beer then it all resets and cycle continues.

The show was interesting, because about 25% of the room looked and acted like they just got out of, or were due to return to, prison.  They announced no taping, photos, recording, etc., then booted a couple people for promptly doing just that.  We went out drinking after and one of my new buddies cut a fart so awful at an Irish bar, I legitimately saw three people leave the bar.  A woman came over from about 20 feet away and started screaming “Who farted?  I want to buy you a drink, that’s the most putrid fart I ever smelled!”  Well, that’s even stranger than the fart in the first place.  In retrospect, though, for all the times I got shot down by other factors in bars, maybe I could have softened the blow of rejection by carpet bombing half a room with mustard farts.  Actually, no, that woman was just straight up insane.

Two in group ended up vomiting, one that night – not due to drinking as much as the overwhelming smell of urine in one of the bars; the other the next morning for taking ibuprofen on an empty stomach.  Or maybe it was a remnant of that fart he caught.  If I ever find out what that guy ate, I will take up a crusade to destroy all traces of that food from the earth.  A couple more like that and Cleveland will have the population of Tombstone.

No, I’m not referring to that pothead down the hall’s dorm room in college, I’m referring to the area where big stars of comedy, music and the like get to relax before the show.  At my level, it’s not always very glamourous.  That said, most of the rooms don’t have one at all.  My show last weekend was nice, but it was in a theater – one room.  So the green room was the alley behind the building.

Nothing says posh settings like another drunk comedian peeing between cars or a homeless man rooting through the cigarettes, looking for one just long enough to get a hit from.  That’s not humor, I’ve actually seen those before my act.  The best part about a separate area, though, is that you don’t have to interact with anyone.  There’s nothing more awkward than not having your best set, then walking right over to the bar that just watched you eat it and attempt to sit civily with them.  All the while, you don’t feel stares, you feel the non-stares as the crowd attempts to break their necks to avoid making eye contact with the lowly failed jester.  Away with thee!  Wench, pour another flagon of ale!  This still beats the lonely t-shirt sales pitch after a show when no one buys anything, but it’s a close second sitting next to a guy with a sleeveless tee and mesh Jack Daniel’s hat purposely turning his stool away from you, silently judging you between shots of Old Crow washed down with Bud Ice and Marlboro Mediums.

I am tired and don’t feel like blogging, so in honor of the Avengers coming out this week, I thought I would share this for fans of the Hulk…and Pee Wee Herman.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj9VOU03HM0

I was featured (with four other comedians) in this week’s Columbus Alive!, a nice local paper that was covering us, and the Columbus comedy scene as a whole.  Here’s the article link – http://www.columbusalive.com/content/stories/2012/04/26/columbus-comedy-scene-five-wholl-make-you-laugh.html

The article was great and I really appreciate the press covering a scene that we really do bust our asses trying to entertain people, despite the pitfalls and bumps.  I was really nervous, though, due to a couple articles in the past that still make me laugh.  Example one: My former college roommate and great friend Justin Camp won the “Funniest Person in Columbus” in 2008 and was interviewed by the local paper.  The new reporter asked him what his influences were, to which he responded – “I remember watching Pauly Shore movies and somehow from that I watched stand-up and loved it.”  The quote in the paper was, “Justin’s goal in life is to someday open for Pauly Shore.”  Oops.  I gave him an endless beating over that one.

The other was when I won the same contest later and we had to submit a pic.  The only one we had was Camp and I, drunk, with our arms around each other’s shoulders laughing.  Right under that picture was this – “Camp and Coen have had a special bond since they lived together.”  Great, we’re life partners.  Thanks for that.

In recap, though, Jesse did a great article (and Tessa took some great pics – I actually smiled, which is rare) and I have to thank them and Columbus Alive for everything.  Now that I’m super famous, I have to disown most of my friends and find cooler ones.  Sorry, normies!  I’m a superstar!

http://jakeiannarino.com/2012/04/the-420-hangover-episode/ Guesting on the Reprobate Travelcast – enjoy!

If you send a two paragraph email, then immediately call asking me the questions laid out in said email – please forgive me for not reading your grammatically incorrect ramblings in three seconds.  Let me make it up to you by punching you in the coccyx.

If you are directly behind me and our lane is stopped…guess what?  I want to get over also.  That’s why my blinker is on, stupid.  Therefore, don’t mash your gas and ram into the back of me.  Actually, go ahead, whiplash is a motherfucker to prove in court and I need time off.

If you’re reading something, please don’t ask me questions that are directly in the information you’re reading.  Example – “What time is your show?”  7:30.  “Where is it?”  Do you have the internet?  It’s on my website, with a link to the tickets.  It has the address and phone number!  “Oh, I’m looking at your website…on my phone…that I’m calling you from?”  Ah, in that case, my show is in a dark alley in the meat packing district.  Wear a lot of gold and carry a lot of cash.  Show kicks off at 2 am.

If you can’t keep up with the conversation, don’t talk.  Example – Person A: “Hey are you watching the game?”  Me: “Yes!”  A: “Cool, let’s watch it at BW’s.”  (Sliding in, interrupting) Person B: “I got a new game!  It’s fun!  Let me tell you about the cheat codes!”  Me: “Wow, that’s great.  Did you hear there’s a girl out back showing her boobs to everyone?”  Then person A and I leave immediately.